When a Woman “Covers” a Man
1 Samuel 25
Introduction: Much is written and spoken about the concept of “covering” in the Bible. Much of what is said in this context is about submission to authority, particularly women submitting to men. However, I don’t find a consistent theme in Scripture that warrants this teaching. In fact, there are many examples in Scripture of women “covering” men and of men submitting to women.
What does it mean to “cover” someone? Though I do not subscribe to this teaching, the impression I have is that it means God has designated men to be in authority over women, and in that sense, to be their protection. On a closer examination, I find there is much to say for women “covering” men.
Women “cover” men in the most vulnerable years of their lives: when they are infants and young boys growing up. If a woman has enough strength and wisdom to protect, nurture and train a boy to become a man, surely she has the spiritual authority to continue to speak into his life once he is a man?
Women “cover” men through their examples of Godliness, through intercession, by sharing wisdom from God’s word, and through acts of obedience when God speaks to them. Indeed, the Bible is filled with examples of Godly women instructing men, counseling men, nurturing men, and standing side by side with them in crisis and decision making.
It is my belief that just as surely as God did away with the hierarchical Old Testament priesthood in the New Covenant, so he has done away with the hierarchical and dominating ways of men relating to women in the New Covenant. If spiritual authority is relational in nature, then both men and women can exercise spiritual authority. Just as there are equally valuable roles for both a man and woman to play in nurturing a family, so there are equally vital roles for men and women to play in nurturing God’s family, the church. That doesn’t mean women ministering to women. Because Jesus taught that spiritual authority comes from serving, not titles or positions, both men and women exercise spiritual authority in the church, to the degree that they are Godly and mature.
The church is not a man made institution, but an extension of the trinity, the family in heaven made up of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. All three members of the trinity are equally God. They are equal in value and authority, though distinct in personality and role. So it is to be in the way men and women relate to one another in earthly families.
No story in the Bible makes it clearer that men and women have equally valuable roles than the example of Abigail and David.
Excerpts From The Story of David and Abigail:
There was a certain man in the region of Carmel. He was very prosperous—three thousand sheep and a thousand goats, and it was sheep-shearing time in Carmel. The man’s name was Nabal (Fool), and his wife’s name was Abigail. The woman was intelligent and good-looking, the man brutish and mean.
David, out in the backcountry, heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep and sent ten of his young men off with these instructions: “Go to Carmel and approach Nabal. Greet him in my name, ‘Peace!
…I heard that it’s sheep-shearing time. Here’s the point: When your shepherds were camped near us we didn’t take advantage of them. They didn’t lose a thing all the time they were with us in Carmel. Ask your young men—they’ll tell you. What I’m asking is that you be generous with my men—share the feast! Give whatever your heart tells you to your servants and to me, David your son.’”
David’s young men went and delivered his message word for word to Nabal. Nabal tore into them, “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? The country is full of runaway servants these days.
Do you think I’m going to take good bread and wine and meat freshly butchered for my sheepshearers and give it to men I’ve never laid eyes on? Who knows where they’ve come from?”
David’s men got out of there and went back and told David what he had said. David said, “Strap on your swords!” They all strapped on their swords, David and his men, and set out, four hundred of them. Two hundred stayed behind to guard the camp.
Meanwhile, one of the young shepherds told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, what had happened: “David sent messengers from the backcountry to salute our master, but he tore into them with insults. Yet these men treated us very well. They took nothing from us and didn’t take advantage of us all the time we were in the fields.
They formed a wall around us, protecting us day and night all the time we were out tending the sheep…
Abigail flew into action. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five sheep dressed out and ready for cooking, a bushel of roasted grain, a hundred raisin cakes, and two hundred fig cakes, and she had it all loaded on some donkeys…Then she said to her young servants, “Go ahead and pave the way for me. I’m right behind you.” But she said nothing to her husband Nabal.
As she was riding her donkey, descending into a ravine, David and his men were descending from the other end, so they met there on the road. David had just said, “That sure was a waste, guarding everything this man had out in the wild so that nothing he had was lost—and now he rewards me with insults. A real slap in the face! May God do his worst to me if Nabal and every cur in his misbegotten brood isn’t dead meat by morning!” No sooner had David said these words, than he met Abigail on the road.
As soon as Abigail saw David, she got off her donkey and fell on her knees at his feet, her face to the ground in homage, saying, “My master, let me take the blame! Let me speak to you. Listen to what I have to say. Don’t dwell on what that brute Nabal did. He acts out the meaning of his name: Nabal, Fool. Foolishness oozes from him…And now, my master, as GOD lives and as you live, GOD has kept you from this avenging murder—and may your enemies, all who seek my master’s harm, end up like Nabal! Now take this gift that I, your servant girl, have brought to my master, and give it to the young men who follow in the steps of my master…
David said, “Blessed be GOD, the God of Israel. He sent you to meet me! And blessed be your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and taking charge of looking out for me.
A close call! As GOD lives, the God of Israel who kept me from hurting you, if you had not come as quickly as you did, stopping me in my tracks, by morning there would have been nothing left of Nabal but dead meat.”
Then David accepted the gift she brought him and said, “Return home in peace. I’ve heard what you’ve said and I’ll do what you’ve asked.”
When Abigail got home she found Nabal presiding over a huge banquet. He was in high spirits—and very, very drunk. So she didn’t tell him anything of what she’d done until morning. But in the morning, after Nabal had sobered up, she told him the whole story. Right then and there he had a heart attack and fell into a coma. About ten days later GOD finished him off and he died.
When David heard that Nabal was dead he said, “Blessed be GOD who has stood up for me against Nabal’s insults, kept me from an evil act, and let Nabal’s evil boomerang back on him.” Then David sent for Abigail to tell her that he wanted her for his wife. David’s servants went to Abigail at Carmel with the message, “David sent us to bring you to marry him.” She then bowed down, face to the ground, saying, “I’m your servant, ready to do anything you want. I’ll even wash the feet of my master’s servants!”
Abigail didn’t linger. She got on her donkey and, with her five maids in attendance, went with the messengers to David and became his wife.” 1 Samuel 25:2-42 Adapted from The Message
Lessons For Personal Application:
- Any man or woman can act a fool. Nabal was a descendent of Caleb but he did not possess the strengths of his great ancestor (1Sam. 25:3). Foolish behavior is a result of a lack of the fear of God (see 1 Samuel 26:21). Saul became a fool in how he treated David. You and I can become fools if we do not spend time daily with the Lord, seeking his counsel and soaking in his word. Humility, bathed in the wisdom of God’s word, is God’s antidote to becoming a fool.
- Abigail’s actions and communication is an example of Godly wisdom. He name means, “my father’s joy.” We can bring joy to our earthly and heavenly fathers if we study and emulate Abigail’s life. Abigail was a woman of “good understanding.” She acted boldly when it was time to act, she showed respect for others, she exhibited discretion and wisdom in her communication, she knew the difference between the right thing to do and the right time to do it, and she was direct and honest. She interceded for her husband. She took risks. She was not afraid to sacrifice her life for what she believed in.
- Abigail understood there was a time to speak and a time to be silent. 1 Samuel 25:18 says she did not tell Nabal what she had done on his behalf until the right time. Wise leaders know when to speak and when to be silent. They discern the difference between the right thing to do and the right time to do it.
- Abigail was discreet. She was careful to avoid embarrassing or upsetting her husband unnecessarily; she was careful not to reveal confidences; she was subtle and circumspect, ensuring that no undue attention was attracted to herself, yet bold and forthright when she needed to be. She was courageous and yet not ostentatious or flashy.
- Abigail was a courageous intercessor. He plea for Nabal’s life to David is found in 1 Samuel 25:24-31 is filled with wisdom and is a great model for how to appeal to leaders and those in authority.
Personal Illustration:
I am married to a beautiful and understanding woman, an Abigail in her own right. I have been protected from many foolish mistakes by the wisdom of my wife, Sally. Just recently I made a decision to gloss over a serious difference with a close friend. Sally shared her disagreement with me, yet did so with wise and kind words. She was bold, spoke from her heart, and appealed to me to reconsider. When I reflected on what Sally said, I found my own heart identifying completely with her. I have denied my own feelings for the sake of superficial unity with a close friend. I didn’t want to open a wound. But it was Sally who put her finger on some deeper issues we needed to work through. Because of her honesty, and because she communicated with such wisdom, she protected me from a serious mistake. I am grateful for such a Godly wife and partner in life and ministry. It is such a gift to have a Godly friend and wife to journey through life together.
Prayer of Response:
Dear Lord Jesus, please teach me to honor and submit to others you bring into my life. Please give me the grace to see you in others, no matter if they are male or female, black or white, young or old. I choose today to receive from all those you bring into my life. I need others, Lord. I repent from pride of seeing myself as automatically “over” certain people. I repent from looking down on people. I especially ask you to forgive me for wrong attitudes toward women. Heal this part of my life, I pray. Reveal the attitudes and beliefs in me that are not pleasing to you, dear Father. In your name I pray, amen.
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Floyd, thank you for the thoughtful article. I agree fully.
Hi Floyd and Sally,
This is a beautiful story, one I have always loved. Thank you for sharing the meaning of it in the light of your own personal experience. You are the best! I love you two and honor you for your continued openness and honesty and humility, your sacrifices and your joys!
Roberta Archer
If Nabal had not been a fool, his wife would not have had to make a decision to do what she did. I mean it’s pretty obvious….Nabal’s name actually means fool.
Ideally according to the scripture a man should be the head of the family. Even in the new testament. Since that is the said argument in the article, that somehow the man being the head is an archaic old testament rule, I call to your attention:
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Colosians 3:18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
I Peter 3:1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
The scripture says:
“2Cr 13:1b In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.”
Deut 19:5b at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.
We can see that from the new testament that it is biblical for the man to be the head of the household and for wives to submit to their husbans.
As in the case of your wife giving you sound advice, I would say that she wasn’t in need of scurting your authority as was Abigail. She was just doing well at participating in her role as a help mate. And you being wise, heeded her advice….Bravo
Furthermore, we also see that both Peter and Paul both give advice to the men to Love their wives….which is their role in the marriage….even as Christ loved the church, and gave his life for her. When a man truly loves his wife to the point of giving his life for her, his wife will have no problem in submitting to him. It is a win win situation
Dear Floyd and Sally,
I very much enjoyed your Lesson 8 on Life of David. Wise words for our lives and will bring encouragement to many. It’s amazing how close to our lives the experiences of the Patriarchs and Kings are.
Looking forward to catching up with you along the way.
In His loving grip,
Isabel
Have ever been so filled with the presence of God and then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like- I am woman hear me roar.. or I am the man,god’s earthly authority…
Well I have only to realize the flow of God will stop and that humility wins over all the time. I am woman and I have learnt that meekness is a most effective leadership tool.
Hats off to this article about woman we have always ruled albeit unpronounced and in great humility.
On the role of men and women in marriage and in ministry in the church, I think the best portions of scripture to draw from are the didactic passages in the NT. For example, Paul gives specific instructions for husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:21ff.
I like the idea you lay out of covering others. I don’t think that the Abigail passage speaks directly into church ministry roles (as far as gender issues go). I also think that we should default to the didactic passages rather than an application of the doctrine of the Trinity.
One of the interesting issues I’ve wrestled with on this issue of men/women in ministry is the context of some of the commands we have in scripture. My bottom line at this point in time is that husbands must care for their wives and wives must yield to their husbands as Paul says.
I also would tweak the analogy of an infant or boy. When we were little babies or boys we were not men. Now that we are grown, the tutors we have no longer apply in the same way. Gal 4:2 illustrates this for us in applying the gospel/law principle.
I think that this topic of male/female relationships is a real hot potato in our society right now…especially in Evangelical churches. As I study this more and more I am becoming convinced that although there are strong points on both sides, there is a clear tilt towards the idea that men and women are equal and are complementary in their roles together. This is especially true in marriage and ministry roles.
How that is worked out is subject to a lot of debate.
I would also suggest that an imbalanced view of authority does not disqualify and healthy view of ‘headship’. We can talk more later. Thanks for stirring me up on this Floyd.
Grace,
David
Thank you again Floyd and Sally for being true teachers, with ‘”’real” life experiences in relationship to Bibical teaching. Ahhhh, Abigail….one of my favorite examples of a woman who used sound wisdom in a very fragile situation.. I appreciate hearing again how valued and influential we are to our spouses and there were so many truths you brought out of the teaching in 1 Samuel. May the Holy Spirit continue to reveal to each of us how we can be examples of Abigais life in our homes and work places. I love the insights the Lord gives you both. Thank you Floyd and Sally.
His Always, Vicky
Floyd,
Thank you for writing this beautiful article. Your wisdom that comes from the Lord in many times speaks to my heart. I pray that I will catch these things in Spirit and never forget them whether it is in good or bad times.
Though its true that the Bible spoke so much about woman’s submission to man, I think what needs to be brought to man’s attention is that they play a significant role in helping their wives fulfill this spiritual call.
Husbands love and protect their wives so that submission is made easy for them. So man has to take the first step.
Darrel
I have served Christ with a loving wife for 27 years. We cut our spiritual teeth in a church that taught headship/submission in an unbalanced way. Over many years my wife learned to never challenge my decisions to the point that she lost her voice entirely. I thought I was enjoying the silence of affirmation but it was actually the silence of death, emotional death. Until a crisis with our son revealed that the unity we thought we had wasn’t there, we blindly went on as a one-man show, wife in tow. (That would make a good title for a book, subtitled, How to kill a marriage.) The crisis, though, led to a breakthrough by God’s grace to show us how wrong our theology had been. I repented of my obstanacy and pride, we abandoned our legalism and we have enjoyed nearly 10 years of increasing intimacy. As I have invited my precious wife to find her feet and her voice, I have also sought to be a better listener and servant. It has been an arduous journey for both of us, unlearning years of wrong thinking. We still have a distance to go but thank God for daily encouragement and hope. For me, it has been difficult giving up some control but, on the other hand, seeing my wife blossom like a budding rose has been nothing short of miraculous. I’d rather have a strong and vocal wife than a doormat or doormouse, any day. Thank you, Floyd and Sally. God bless you both.
I so enjoy hearing the wisdom and knowledge the Holy Spirit gives you. I’m reminded of God’s goodness in what you shared and that it is His goodness that lead the people in the Bible to repent…and still leads us to repent. His goodness. I wish I could know what this means even more than I already do. As we pursue Him, he gives us more capacity and more capacity to know His heart for people. Thanks for sharing in your capacity-stretching so God can use it to help my heart-capacity grow, too. Love to you and Sally. Jen
Floyd,
What great insights from the life of Abigail and David. It is vital that we understand “covering” in the light of relationship. You have brought this out so clear. The NT admonition for wives to submit to your husbands is clearly in the context of “yes, all of you submit one to another.” Authority is not based on position, but on relationship. Thank you for illustrating this so clearly with your thoughts, and with your examples.
Great lesson Floyd. You continue to be an remarkable example to me in leading and serving, and here’s one more rich example.
Yours In Christ
Abigail, Ruth, Esther… And then there is Sarah in the courts of Egypt… quite a diplomatic mission. I’m discovering it’s all about the protocol of the heart. When we are truly being ourselves in Christ the ebb and flow of mutual reciprocity and interdependence is the very stuff that sets us apart from the world… Call it love, but that word means little anymore… Abigail was full of hesed. David had been writing about that very thing since his youth. Heart to heart, they found each other. A godly woman whose grace was a healing balm to the heart of a jaded warrior.
I read your book back in my YWAM DTS days: Devil at Your Doorstep (I think, it’s been years now.) I recently was put back in contact with your ministry through a friend who forwarded an article (Ted Haggard’s fall). Since then I have been wandering around on your site and following your ministry.
I’m 48 years old. My church experience and exposure encompasses everything from the Charismatic Movement in the 70’s to Penticostal Holiness to Vineyard and most all stops in between.
I am in a church that strongly encourages the participation in a class called Under Cover, by John Bevere. Though my husband and I are committed members and leaders in our fellowship we have yet to take the class. We don’t have the desire and I’m pretty sure I don’t want the baggage of legalism that comes with subscribing to that theology.
We have a close friend, Harold Eberle, who is a theologian, apostolic leader and the author of many theology books including Victorious Eschatology. His ideas have challenged me the most and shaken my historical theology. He shares your thoughts on the “covering” idea.
Reading this article and the ensuing responses has raised a question in my mind:Is there a difference between submission and covering? What about the difference between influening and directing?
The opposing ideas left in replies to your article suggests we may be using the same words and understanding different meanings.
I am frustrated with not having, by now these many years, come into a solid conviction of what I believe. I feel as though I should have gained it by now and yet I have fallen and continue to fall for ideas presented by sincere and passionate leaders only to discover down the road the flaws in their teaching.
I’ll keep reading your “stuff” and I’ll keep asking God to remove scales from my eyes and heart and to keep me soft before my brothers and sisters whose ideas vary so much but yet who God uses as voices.
Thank you for your contribution to the kingdom, your demonstrations of humility and for your grace-filled words.
Looking for a place to stand and finding instead a path to walk! I guess that’s my answer, eh!
In the dear love of Christ,
Sherrie